We made it a year, and I've finally written my birth story.

As the birth of my girls approaches, it brings back many memories. Some of which are hard to share. I have been thinking about everything that happened a lot the last few weeks and am so glad I am here with my girls. I remember my doctor telling me the girls probably wouldn't go full term and wondering how on earth I would know when I was in labor. I remember that being one of my big questions, you hear so many different stories, ohhhh you'll know and you'll have plenty of time, but then someone else says how they delivered on the way to the hospital in the back of a car. With having twins, I was worried if I didn't make it to the hospital, what would happen? People were right though, you know your body better then you realize. When something isn't right, you will know.

Now whether or not you listen to what your body is telling you may be a different story. You see, I am a little stubborn sometimes. When someone else gets hurt I make sure they are all taken care of, insist on them going to the doctor or whatever is needed. If it is me, I usually say, nah I'm good, really. I never feel like what is wrong is a good enough reason to go to the doctor. I don't want to be one of those people that go for every little thing. Heck I cut off the hole outside of my finger and was bleeding excessively and wouldn't go to the doctor until the next day when my momma came over and made me.

The day before I had my girls I had been feeling horrid. I was at work and couldn't take it anymore, told them I felt like poop and was heading home. Of course my mom and husband mentioned maybe I should go to the doctor and I just knew they would tell me I was over reacting and was fine. To appease them when later that night, I still wasn't feeling better after resting, I called the on call doctor. As I assumed they told me I was probably fine, just a virus "keep your feet elevated and stay hydrated" they'd told me. I knew I wasn't sick. As a 28 year old woman I know my body well enough to know when I am getting a cold. This wasn't that. I'd felt like I had been run over by a semi multiple times. I took the on call docs advice and relaxed.

The next morning I woke up to my work alarm. I tried my best to get out of bed and get the move on to the bathroom to start getting ready. I could barely walk and make it in there. I woke Adam up and remember asking him if he thought I should still go to work. Smart man that he was said call your mom and see if she can come keep an eye on you (he had to go to work), have her take you to the hospital. I told him I'd see if she could come over, but didn't need to go to the hospital. I would wait until the doctors office opened and call to get an appointment for later in the day. He was very adamant that I not wait that long and just go to the hospital. I told him if nothing was wrong they would think I was silly and was still undecided. Stubborn woman that I am. After he left and my mom was on the way, my mind was very quickly decided.

God knowing me the way he does must have known I needed a little persuasion. Never in my life had I heard anything so clearly. I know about miracles, and have seen them in my life. But I've never been spoken to or gotten such a clear direct message from God before. He spoke to me. I physically heard him, it was not a feeling I got. I heard his voice and he told me I was going to the hospital the minute my mom got there. Not to wait. Not to go to the doctors office. I was going to the hospital. There was no doubt about the message, it was very clear and precise, and I knew it was God speaking to me.

On the way to the hospital I told my mom, "they are just going to tell me I am sick or have a virus, but I'm not sick, I know my body and something is wrong." I knew the time was here and the hospital was going to have to intervene. Something was wrong.

I got to the hospital around 8 and told the front desk something was wrong, I didn't know what but felt like I'd been run over. They sent me to a room, ran some tests, and found blood in my urine. "Ahhh so she must have a kidney stone" they'd said. They pounded me on the back a few times and realized that no, I did not have a kidney stone.  They strapped some heart rate monitors to each of the babies and that's when I found out I had been in labor. I was in shock, couldn't be, but there it was on the monitor showing the contractions. They shot me up with some medicines that would prepare the babies lungs if they came (which unfortunately it was too late at this point) and another to stop the labor. My doctor just happened to be at the hospital. She stopped in to tell me they were keeping me overnight so they could monitor me, everything should be fine, and she was on her way.

They rolled me in a wheel chair to my overnight room and started hooking me up to the monitors in that room. I had called Adam and told him how they were keeping me overnight. He was going to come by after work and bring me anything I needed. I hadn't had time to pack anything that morning. Heck I was still in my sweats, sports bra and a T. All I had with me was my purse and phone.

Now you should know all of this happened in a very quick time frame. Once I was hooked up I remember the nurses watching the screens. I'll never forget these words. The nurse very randomly and strangely asked me "How far is your husband?" "Well he's at work, so maybe 15 minutes away?" and the only response I got was a strange look and "Ohhhhh" I called Adam and didn't know how to say it but asked if he could come to the hospital, "Sure" he'd said, "let me just finish up here and I'll head that way in a bit.

I didn't know what to make of her comment. Should I be worried? By the look on her face, most definitely. My mom, noticing the chaos, had called Adam again, and told him to get down there as fast as he could. Meanwhile, my specialist shows up, practically out of thin air. Next thing I know her and the nurses were running me as fast as they could down the halls on the hospital bed. It was something out of a movie. They rammed me into several walls, not caring about anything but getting me into that emergency room. I am panicked, what is going on? What is wrong? Obviously when I arrived in the surgery room I put two and two together.

There I laid, with a crowded room full of nurses, anesthesiologists, my specialist, etc. Everyone was yelling, bright lights were shining down on me. They were rolling me here and their poking and prodding at me. I remember someone saying "I'm sorry, normally we would explain what is going on, but we just don't have time." My doctor didn't arrive until a few minutes later. Finally I recognized someone in the room. I lay there on that table all alone, not knowing what was going on as chaos had erupted. My doctors were shouting over the nurses scrambling around, do we put her under? Do we let her stay awake? Should we let her husband or mom in? The arguments ensued.

At this point I had no idea where my mother was, or if my husband had even known what was going on. I didn't know my mother had called him. I didn't know he was flying down the highway to get there; That the front desk girl had waited for him and ran him down the halls as fast as they could go. I didn't know any of that. My mom was in a gown outside in case he couldn't make it, but that didn't matter because they hadn't decided if anyone could come in yet anyways.

As the team around me quickly discussed their plan, and rushed around in preparation, I realized I was dying. I knew it in my heart. I was only 29 weeks and everything around me pointed to that conclusion. I was going to die on that table surrounded by strangers, all alone, while my loved ones were out there somewhere with no idea what was happening other then my mom. So as I laid there I did the only thing I could. I prayed that Jesus would save my babies. That he would get them out safely and that they would be okay. I knew they would have a rough start and journey ahead, but I prayed that his angels would be there to protect them, to keep them safe, and help them to grow healthy. That's all I wanted. I made peace with the fact I was dying, just as long as my babies would be okay.

As the process continued they kept asking if I knew who I was, what my name was, can you feel us poking you? - yes. How about now? Do you feel sick? Are you going to throw up? Do you know a real tall guy with a beard and can he come in? Adam had finally arrived. Thankfully they kept me awake during the surgery, and had allowed him entrance. Unbeknownst to me, he had arrived just after they cut me open, and got a full view of what was taking place. They had put up a curtain if you will so I couldn't see the details. They placed the tiniest stool I'd seen for Adam and told him not to move. He sat next to me as I squeezed his hand. Thankful to finally have him there.

Up until that point the anesthesiologist had tried to calm me down, and I'll always be grateful for how kind he was to me. After a bit, I started to look around and Adam quickly stopped me. Knowing me the way he does, he warned me not to look to focus on him. Looking back, I realized shortly after the anesthesiologist had moved to my left side blocking my view. That was where my buckets of blood, tissue, and all the unpleasantries were on full display. Unfortunately, I had already looked up and seen my blood on the lights above. My doctor later told me that I was a bleeder. She had a bit of trouble getting some of it to stop.

It took them a full two extra minutes to get "Baby B" out. My uterus had decided to clamp down on her and wasn't letting go. She  had to cut vertically up my uterus to get to her and pull her out. She was pretty bruised after all of it and had lost a lot of blood. You see, my placenta had torn away and I was bleeding to death internally. That is why the blood had been in my urine. Where it tore away was next to her and she was the one losing the blood with me the quickest. Her heart rate had started to drop on the monitor and that is what alerted my medical team. Had I waited, and went to the doctors office later in the day, had I done anything different and not went right in, I am certain I wouldn't be here today. I went to the hospital at 8am, and the girls were out just after 10am. My mom later told me as she waited outside of the surgery room, a chaplain had came up to her and asked to pray with her. That was when it hit her the most how very serious this was.

Was it a miracle that there just happened to be a team of NICU nurses in from Children's Hospital that day? One for each of my babies? Was it a miracle that my specialist happened to be there, and my doctor was already at the hospital for another reason? For such chaos, and an emergency, I couldn't have asked for things to be so perfect, and just as it needed to be under those conditions. So if you ask me, Yes, it was a miracle, and I can see God's hand in it all.

I am so thankful I listened and went in. We had a rough start, but my girls are now big and healthy. They are in the middle to upper range on the growth chart, even though they were so small. They have mostly caught up, chattering non-stop and attempting to walk. No one would guess now that these two spent 10 weeks in the NICU fighting to be here. But they are my FIGHTERS, they are STRONG, and I am blessed to have their smiling, sweet faces here with me. When something so traumatic happens in life, one is never the same. I have a different view on the world now, and know every day, and every minute is a precious gift from God. Never take it for granted. Don't sweat the small things. Stay positive and don't waste time arguing and fighting over the stupid stuff. You never know what tomorrow holds.

-Katie

Diaper Rashes

Well it certainly has been a while since I have last posted. My two littles have been keeping me busy along with working. Recently one of my babes had a double ear infection. The doctor prescribed the typical antibiotic and on our way we went. Luckily for us I caught it very early. She never runs a fever so when she was over 100 degrees I knew something wasn't right and took her in. My sweet girl is such a trooper. The medicine has been a little hard on her stomach and even though we diligently checked her diapers just to be safe, she still started getting a little red.  As diaper rashes are so common and people are always searching for the best product to help their kiddos, I will share this magical concoction with you all. It is really quite simple. I was suspicious about the mix when the doctors office suggested it, but let me tell you, it worked wonders and very quickly. I saw a major improvement by the next morning.
First, get a small rubbermaid/food container with a lid to mix and store it in.
Aquaphor healing diaper rash ointment

Maalox/antacid (I used the generic/off-brand which worked just fine)

Mix these two at equal parts. Start with the Aquaphor which will be more of a gel consistency and mix with the Maalox, which is a liquid. You will need to slowly stir in the Maalox to get the two to mix properly. Once you are done, store it in a refrigerator to help hold consistency. Use after every diaper change.

 

UPDATE:

 

I had to make some more of this magic potion recently and have taken step by step pictures for you to follow.

 

Start with a medium small Rubbermaid with a lid to store it in.

 

 

I got the off brand of Maalox but it works just as good (and yes they only had mint haha)

 

Pop the cap off the Aquaphor, it makes it quicker to get out. I had my husband get the last of it out for me. As you can see I got the 3oz Aquaphor which means you use approx. 6 tablespoons of Maalox.

As you can see there really isn't as much as you'd think in the tube, but it's plenty for what we need.

I added about half of the Maalox mix (as pictured below)

and started mixing,

 

and mixing, annnnd mixing. This can take awhile.

add the last of the Maalox and finish mixing it together.

It will still be a little runny but that's okay.

 

I took a picture of my last batch below. That is what it looks like after it has time to set up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Years, New Me blah

Ahh, it is time again for all this new year, new me nonsense. We all know the story too well. Our newsfeeds are filled with all the excitement of how our lives will be different this year. Anyone who is a regular at the gym will see the machines swamped and fresh faces about. Give it a few months and all will be back to normal. Personally I'm not much for making new years resolutions. You shouldn't need a date to change to want to better yourself. We should always be setting new goals and finding new ways to better ourselves. If you do make a resolution, make it something attainable. Most people start the year out with these lofty goals and then fade back to their routines as a little time passes. Don't go on a crazy diet. Yo-yoing is hard on your organs. From what I've seen, typically when someone wants to lose weight, they think they have to completely cut out everything unhealthy all at once. Ideally that is where you should aim to get, eventually, but it doesn't have to be all at once today. When you go from eating whatever you want, to a super strict diet people tend to go a little crazy. It becomes all they think about which makes them stressed (which can add weight) and when you are only thinking about food, you only want to eat even more.  Make simple lifestyle changes to eat healthier and do a little more then the day before. Maybe today you'll take a few extra steps then yesterday, take the stairs instead of the elevator. Instead of ordering that hamburger, get a salad. Take one day at a time and over a period of time it will become habit. I've been watching as a weight loss challenge is going on around me. From what I have noticed, those who are just taking it one day at a time, staying disciplined, and are just aiming to live better  are doing better then the ones "dieting." My husband for instance has lost 15lbs this month from cutting out soda and making healthier food choices. He isn't doing any crazy workouts, just trying to take a few more steps each day then sitting in front of the TV. Make health your priority by living a healthy life, not by trying the newest fad. You want these changes to last a lifetime.

Baby Monitors

Can I just say how much I hate our baby monitors? They are seriously the worst. I don't know if it is just my particular brand or if they are all like the ones we have but I want to smash them into tiny little pieces every night. We have the Motorola ones with the little video screen. If the babies make noise, the screen lights up with a video and sound of what is going on in their room. When they come on they BEEP once loudly, and after a short period they shut back off with another annoying BEEP. Now supposedly you can adjust the sound of the beeps, but they are all very loud. I guess that is to make sure it awakes me (from the few times I actually fall asleep) so I know what is going on with my babies. This sounds like a great monitor right? The problem is, it is constantly disconnecting from the camera in their room for whatever reason. EVERY time it does this it beeps several times, shows the video and then beeps again as it shuts off. I tell you this happens it seems several times an hour. So when I finally lay down to sleep I get woken up by screeching in my ear from it being disconnected. NOT because my babies are awake. Ohhhh but the sound is so loud that I can hear it all the way out in my living room even on the lower sound settings. So lets keep our fingers crossed that the babies aren't in a twilight sleep or your lovely monitor will wake them up. To make it worse assuming the monitors are actually working correctly, my girls have to be making a lot of noise for them to actually pick it up. In fact, I can almost always hear them before the monitors go off. It seems to pick up the cars driving by better then one of my girls crying. The only positive I have to say is that I can click a button and it will give me a current video of them in their beds. I want to say they cost around $100. For your own sanity pay a little more and get a better one so you can get a little sleep.

Buying a Breast Pump

To buy or rent? Well it all depends on how long you intend to breastfeed. Either way I would recommend renting one from your local hospital to see how you like it; especially if you are on the fence about breastfeeding. I want to say it cost about $50 a month to rent the one at my hospital. The pump they had was the Medela Symphony, which in my opinion is fabulous. I didn't know it at the time, but it is seriously amazing when compared to just about any other pump.

When I switched down the road to my Medela Pump in Style (advanced) I was shocked at the difference. I eventually got used to the pump in style, but the symphony is much more gentler on your sensitive skin. For that reason, if you only plan to pump short term, I would recommend just renting that one for a few months. The nice thing was that I could still use all my accessories when I made the switch. The Symphony is very large and bulky so it is hard to go places with it (but doable). The pump in style is very compact and easy to bring along with me to work.

Whatever you do, make sure the pump you buy has the Let Down option. According to my lactation consultant, if you do not have that option it will negatively effect your supply. I was told that was why when so many mothers go back to work, their supply will tank. So when you are searching for your pump make that a must have option.

Did you know that your insurance will pay for a pump? I searched reviews on the particular one my insurance wanted to give me and from what I could tell it sucked. So here is a bit of advice that you may not be aware of. Some insurance companies, or the places that you get the unit from, let you upgrade from what the insurance paid for, to a better pump. That is what I did. I believe it cost maybe $25 to go from a super sucky unit to the Medela pump in style with the let down option. To me that is huge. Even if you plan to exclusively breastfeed, I would still take your insurance up on the offer and get a pump. You never know, you may have some sort of emergency where you might need it as a back up.

On that note, if you live in an area like I do, when it storms we tend to lose power. If you are an exclusive pumper make sure you have a hand express pump just in case your power goes out. The hospital gave me one but if yours doesn't they run around $30 at the store. When my girls were in the NICU and I was pumping at home for them there were a few times we lost power and that was no fun.

A few side notes I have learned along the way:

If you don't feel like you are getting as much milk from pumping as you were, and nothing has changed in your diet/health, check your machine. A few times the white plastic valves have torn on me. If that happens the suction doesn't work right and you won't get much milk out.

Always have extra storage bags on hand. You don't want to be stuck at work and realize you don't have any bags to put that liquid gold in. I have heard in an emergency like that, buy a water bottle, clean it out, and store it in there for the day.

Having an extra set of pump parts is a must. Don't wait. You don't want to be up cleaning pump parts at 2am, trust me on that one.

If your skin is getting super sore from pumping it could be from the breast shield not fitting correctly. Check this website out to make sure you are using the correct size. http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/tips-and-solutions/13/choosing-a-correctly-fitted-breastshield

Get a hands free bra. Yes they are somewhat expensive but you'll regret waiting on this one. It seriously sucks sitting there holding those things to your chest multiple times a day. Free up those hands. I got mine for about $45 from the hospital.

I tried to make my own with a sports bra, cutting the wholes like I saw on Pinterest (see below).
For me that didn't work out. Once the milk started filling up the bottle, the weight would pull the material and the breast shields wouldn't stay in place very well. It might depend on how much you normally collect, but with twins, it didn't hold up.

 

 

For those of you not strictly pumping and don't want to waste any milk these are pretty cool. Under $30 so not bad.


What is your favorite pump? Let us know in the comment section below.

4 Things To Know About The NICU

When you find out you are pregnant with twins, you will probably be told right away that you are now considered high risk. That means you and your doctor will be seeing a lot more of eachother. You may be sent to a specialist even, as I was. There will be appointments, and more appointments. I felt like I was always at the doctors. I am glad that I had such a good doctor that wanted to keep a close eye on me. She told me right away that she didn't think I would make it past 36 weeks and she would be surprised if I made it much after 32. We were aiming for anything after 28 weeks she had said. I understood what she was saying, my babies would be here early. What I didn't know was that they would arrive very early, at 29 weeks. I haven't had any experience with the NICU before so I didn't know what to expect. My girls were in the NICU for 2 months and one week. I've compiled my top four pieces of advice from my experience.

1. The hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Everything happened so quickly. I arrived at the hospital not feeling well and within two hours my babies were here. After experiencing the most intense morning of my life, my girls were quickly held up so I could see them from a distance, and rushed off to the team of nurses. I laid on the operating table, holding my husbands hand and tried not to look at the blood on the light above me. I didn't turn my head to the left where there were buckets of tissue and blood as Adam warned me. While my team of doctors finished with me, I did not know what was going on with my girls. I didn't get to see them again until much later, and at that, I still wasn't able to hold them until several days later. Healing in a room downstairs while my girls were upstairs was very difficult. I am very grateful I chose the hospital I did to have my girls. I could call up to their nurses, and they would put them on a monitor so I could at least see them from my room. When it was finally time for me to go home, I remember being in the elevator and seeing a pregnant woman. How strange it was to realize my babies were no longer with me. That is not something you can prepare for. Going home without your babies is just plain awful. This is a time you are supposed to be bonding with your little ones, holding them close. Instead I had to leave my babies with strangers and go home to finish healing. I cried most of that day and the next ones to come. Watching their little eyes follow me to the door and having to leave them there, I just had to keep telling myself this is what was best for them. They had the best medical care and their Angels watching over them.

2. Get to know your nurses
I spent a lot of time at the NICU. I wanted to be there as much as I could for my girls. After awhile I got to know most of the nurses that worked there. Instead of strangers looking after my girls, they became people I enjoyed chatting with and tried to get to know. Most of them were friendly, and full of knowledge. All the equipment was so foreign to us, so Adam and I both asked tons of questions. I wanted to know everything I could about what was going on with my girls. Don't be afraid to ask if you don't understand something. Most of the nurses went out of their way to show me things and explain how the equipment worked. Did you know you can request certain nurses? Same goes for one you simply do not get along with. Not everyone will mesh and there is nothing worse then leaving your babies with a nurse you don't trust for whatever reason. That's when you should talk to the charge nurse about whatever the situation is. They can always try and work something out where that nurse gets minimal time with your babies. Our nurses made the girls cute posters for their door, took their pictures along the way, and made us cards with their hand and foot prints. They were always surprising us with cute things they had done with the girls to try and put a smile on our face.

3. Alarms
Among the most stressful things you will experience in the NICU are the constant beeping of alarms. They are pretty much always going off in the NICU. Whether they are going off in your babies room, or anothers, you will hear them as you walk the halls. You will hear them in your babies room too. The longer you are in the NICU the better you will be at discerning the scary alarms, and the more regular alarms. They will go off when the feeding tube has finished, an IV needs to be checked, their heart beat is too slow or too fast, their oxygen saturation is too low, they are breathing too fast or too slow.. you get the idea. It can be very stressful to hear all the beeping and not knowing what is going on. There were a few times the monitors would say our babies weren't breathing, or that they had no heart rate, on the monitor and the scary alarms would start screaming. Adam and I would be in there by ourselves, not knowing what was going on, and freaking out thinking something was wrong. One time when Adam was holding little Ella, all of a sudden the alarms were ringing that she wasn't breathing. Turns out the way the electrode was lying, his body was interfering with the reading. We didn't know that until the nurse came in and told us. It was pretty traumatic for both of us. Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes those darn things aren't connected all the way. The sticky part that attaches the electrode to the baby doesn't always stick. You can't always tell when they are in the swaddle that it's not stuck where its supposed to be. The baby could also start getting real fidgety and cause the reading to be off. If the nurses aren't running in, then your baby is probably okay.

4. Outsiders won't get it
As I stated earlier I had no prior experience at the NICU. I didn't know anyone personally that had to go through anything like this. I had no idea what happened behind those doors. Turns out, most people don't. During what is most likely going to be the hardest thing you go through, you will most likely be going through it with your husband and a select few family members. To keep germs down only a limited amount of people will be going with you inside. Your friends won't understand, and frankly, some won't care. People you thought would be there for you in your time of need, may turn their back on you. Sure they'll say all the right things, but when it comes down to it, you'll see who actually calls, texts, and shows up when you need them. If you're lucky, a few people may come by to force you to eat every once in awhile. Mostly though, your friends won't understand what you are going through. This is a time you will learn who your true friends are. Listen closely. I am thankful to have the good friends that I do. They may not relate to what you are going through but at least they will be there to listen and give a few hugs. A few people may even surprise you. I know I wasn't expecting my new church to step up, but they did. They even did more then a lot of people I was close to, and for that I am thankful.
-Katie

Bath time

I remember those days when they were tiny in the NICU and the wonderful nurses would go over bath time with me. I felt like their student, they showed us how to wash them just so. Make sure they didn't get too cold. We were required to watch a certain amount of times, and do it ourselves so many times, to meet the NICU's going home guidelines. Once the girls moved out of the isolettes, they would roll in a heated plastic table/scale and put down a little absorbent pad and get started. I remember the first time I helped, I was so nervous. They were so small and fragile I thought. The girls actually really like bath time (or spa day as I like to call it). They aren't the happiest about getting scrubbed down, but when you get to their hair, ahh that's the good stuff right there. You want to put your baby in a trance, just gently wash their hair. Mine love that. I swaddle them up in their towel, soap it up, and they start to close their eyes and coo. It's my favorite to see them so happy like that. As small as they were when they came home it has been easiest to do a sponge bath. I get out my little tub, soaps, towels, clean sleepers and set it all up for them. I'm getting excited though, because they are big enough now to move to the baby tub I have for them. So they'll be getting a bubble bath next time. It's the little things like that, that make me smile.